I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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