I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
