Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
