You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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