I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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