I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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