i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
