dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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