My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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