I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
