I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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