why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
