I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
