i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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