Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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