Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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