dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
