I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
