"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
