can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
