tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
