Porn is love you can see.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
