I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
