If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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