Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
