Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
