so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
