Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
