Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
