i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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