To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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