I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
