I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am spending my child support on dildos
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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