so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
