I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
