went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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