whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
