how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize