just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
