One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
