my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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