How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize