hotel room ftw
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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