no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
