Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
