Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
