Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
