I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
