I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
