We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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