If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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