i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
