saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
