It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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