took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
