i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
