I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
