before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Maybe he injected his testicle?
pray to the hookup gods
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
