My boss' voice literally gives me gas
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
