so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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