I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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