I think scott just propositioned me for sex
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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