Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
