girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
