I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
