You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
