plz talk dirty to me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
