Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
