I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
