Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
