and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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